Vortex

Bouncing through life and the tasks are getting done. You’re thinking everything is ok, never mind that terror in gut you feel every morning at 4 Am., that’s just your body shocking you into action for the day. Then you make a slightly left turn, you could have chosen to go straight or right, and you are thrown into an emotional vortex of spinning. You feel out of control. But the body has a solution for you. You catch a cold and you rest and things balance out.

5:58 am Sunday Morning

5:58 am Sunday Morning, quiet, only the tick of the second hand of the clock as it makes its way around and around is heard. Then the sound of the heater starting begins. There is something very comforting about the sound of that heater. It is like an old friend who makes you feel safe. We are speeding so fast through the cosmos that relational anchors, like the sound of the heater, provide signposts to help place us, ground us in our lives. Sometimes I feel like I could spin off into the great unknown, but not the unknown of a great adventure, but the unknown, of being separated from the self, from the people and things I love. Part of this is just the movement of live. Everything is in motion and our position to everything is in constant flux. This is the flow of the multi-dimensional river of life again. The heater turned off. I hear the sound of my daughter breathing in her sleep.

To Do Lists

Every Day I write to do Lists. Some days these guys show up on them.

Prayers of the Devout

What must it be like to pray 5 times a day?: Not the 20 thousand prayers I say a day, “oh god help me”, but a sustained focused prayer. Is it mind control or freedom? I would think it is the nature of the prayer said, the intensions and the words and thoughts. It must be an intense mind focus. Then again it could be a mindless ritual, both in the best and worst sense.

Administration

Frantically I attend to the administration of my life. Wow, administration, keeping it all together. My soul wants to float in the clouds, drink in the light reflecting off trees, and feel the love of my family. The pressure of the low-cost producers in the information systems global economy are beating down against me like the deluge of storms we’ve had the last few days here in Southern California. In China, I’m told, they don’t even factor in the labor cost. I want to dream, life wants me awake producing. Face forward, embrace, and do. And look up and see the light on trees.

Incoherent babble bubbles up in my mind

Time moves again. 5:45 am I walk outside and see in the sky, a morning, dark blue gradation with a sliver of moon hanging in the sky.

Time slips by

Incoherent babble bubbles up in my mind. There is no safety, no security. Plans can be made, courses charted, but the future, and the folding of in time is unknown: the true reality show.

New Meeting Notes

It is Admin week at one of the schools I teach at. The interaction with other faculty is great: many ideas, experiances and thoughts shared. The meeting part almost always leaves my head spun into a twisted knot. No exception this time