Say Good Bye to Past Laments

The end of the year is the time to forgive and let go of all the perceived mistakes, misspoken words, wrong actions, right actions not taken, and any other self inflicted hurts.  Also, forgiving and letting go of the hurts caused by others is appropriate.  This forgiveness cleans the path for a fresh start unencumbered by the weight of past wrongs.  If major problems exist then take the actions to heal these.  If no actions can be taken, then just let go, cry if needed, and forgive.  Then be quiet, listen, feel and be see the beauty that always is.

Trouble on the Horizon

The trouble coming was first felt in the gut. As the trouble came closer it expanded into the head and back as well.  The storm hit hard.  The mind tried and tried to solve the problems.  But no metal solution worked.  Only the events in a natural course allowed for the passing of the trouble.  Divine grace could not prevent the pain for the grace only provided sights of beauty in the fury.

More Paint Applied

Sins absolved...racing flow carries me forward with nights dreams of colored pools of watercolor paint merging into each other.  the sky, road and cars all yellow in the morning light. the beat of ancient rhythms merge forward to the here and now.  sweet moments of the family being themselves flickr across my mind.

Another Day

OK, time slips fast, art drunk, wobbling home, eyes blurry, dreams at night of elevators, Apocalypse, strange rooms with people of the past. Day breaks with astro-traveling on a  gray morning on a gray freeway seeing glimpses of the extraordinary in the ordinary as a lady puts on make up in a car and the sun hits the Harbor Blvd. off ramp sign.  Kids bicycle to school. Stop at a traffic light. A homeless man pushes a wide load of bottles and cans on a shopping cart through the cross walk. On time while seeming to be late.  Empty room. Quiet thoughts drift in and out. Rest.

IF-Separated

Although we live in one body, it seems that our minds are separated: separated from the body, separated from its self, with many voices of the internal speaking at the same time, all with different agendas and needs thus moving us in many directions at once leaving us standing in the same place as time rushes past us.

The sea in my belly is whipped by the storm of a funnel cloud of fear which feeds on itself. The tiny boat sheltering the self is pushed around in the storm’s waves. The winds of outside duties bang against the vessel. The only hope is to take refuge in the clam eye of the tempest, let the fears subside and tend to the tasks at hand.

Fragments

Fragments float around the mind in a fuzzy focus of fog on the sea of consciousness. No complete sentences or thoughts. Just pieces bobbing together. They drift in and out until one of them screams for immediate attention. Then the body acts. The emergency subsides. Now go back to enjoying the flow.

Good Morning

My peaceful sleep is interrupted by the lightning bolts of anxiety in my gut. 2:44 am, Oh crap what am I forgetting to do? My inner universe is a storm. So I clean the studio. As I walk outside to throw away the trash I hear the sounds of late summer insects singing their songs to the approaching change of seasons. The outer universe of early morning is calm and quiet. A few stars wink at me knowingly seeming to say,” You fool, all is well, just do the next step.” So I close the trash can lid, walk back into the house and plan the day and week. My inner storm calms and clears a bit.

Morning Moon

As I awoke this morning I saw the moon hanging low in the sky glowing through the trees. The color of a light low saturated violet surrounded it. The day begins with its tasks to do. What will I hold in mind today? Will it be the morning moon or the knot of worry in my gut? Which will fuel the doing of the tasks and my experience of the day? Worry can make me jump into action, but can make a troubled tortured experience. Moon glow is so nice to stand and drink in, but I can get so lost in it that no work gets done. Is there a way to use worry as the kick starter and moon beams as the internal experience as the jobs are performed?

Slow Before You Say Hello to the Get Go

Sunday morning. It’s really time for some slow, not go. Yet I know, the get go, is just around the corner. I can feel it whispering in the breeze. But as Ram Das said, “Be here now.” So I will rest in the silence of the morning even as the compass of my interior world is being pulled to the starting line. Exhale.

PS this is blog post number 100

Monday Morning

The same old fears and anxieties haunt me. Things like the speed at which time passes and the dichotomy of the knot of fear in my stomach juxtaposed against the beauty of the quiet of the morning with its elusive low light that oh so slowly becomes the brightness of day and the soft breeze that touches the side of my face. Beauty is here for a moment then the worries inside overshadow. Yet, the anxieties feel like the choppy sea on the surface of the ocean which at its depths is calm.
Ok so much for the inner reflections, if you are near Downtown San Diego, Ca try eating at Blue Water Seafood on India Street. It is a bit of a dive, but the fish is oh so good. http://www.bluewater.sandiegan.com/

Lost in the Self

Inner spaces, drawing out the internal, mysteries of the mind, emotions and soul intermixed which surface in the external through a small twitch on the face as the persona expresses the façade of self moving through the world. Heck we need the persona: the social armor: the social enabler: the façade is real: it’s just on the surface.