A Thursday Morning Post

This madness of March is almost over with its storms of rain, emotion, and change. I hang on, but the storm blows hard and nature has its way. There is comfort in "This too shall pass", but once its passes its gone, with all its life force and chance to live. Embrace.

Today To Do's

This foggy morning blankets the inward directed thoughts. To linger in this slowly drifting, floating mental state a little longer would be oh so nice. I’ve already wrote today’s to do list. The to do’s magnetic pull is tugging my mind in their direction. Are they a lighthouse guiding the journey from the siren song of pleasurable disaster? Or just the fence that keeps life in check in the artificial safety of self imposed normalcy? For myself I need both the fog and the map.

Morning Stars

A shooting star streaked across the morning sky. Worries are the pins and needles that we use to poke into the voodoo doll of the self. Pieces from the tail of the star fell in a gentle rain of grace. The worries dissolved into a sea of peace momentarily glimpsed. Dawn arrived with its demands.

Monday Morning

The same old fears and anxieties haunt me. Things like the speed at which time passes and the dichotomy of the knot of fear in my stomach juxtaposed against the beauty of the quiet of the morning with its elusive low light that oh so slowly becomes the brightness of day and the soft breeze that touches the side of my face. Beauty is here for a moment then the worries inside overshadow. Yet, the anxieties feel like the choppy sea on the surface of the ocean which at its depths is calm.
Ok so much for the inner reflections, if you are near Downtown San Diego, Ca try eating at Blue Water Seafood on India Street. It is a bit of a dive, but the fish is oh so good. http://www.bluewater.sandiegan.com/

Under the Hat

My dream life of the night invaded my day. Normally the dream, like the moon, stars and quiet of the night fades as the intensities of the direct light of day begins. This dream didn’t. Its underlying feeling stayed attached to me coloring all my interactions with the world. The dream was a powerful one. It woke me. In the dream I was on a floating couch with people I know. The couch started to crumble. All of us hung on, but each fell. It was my turn to go. I was sure it was death; the last piece of couch deteriorated under my fingers and I fell too. Yet I didn’t die. I floated up and awoke in a panic at 3:31am. The world was still in the peace of night. My day began and my night came along too as the glasses through which I perceived.

Navigating

The ship of the self is subject to the powerful forces of the sea of life. Of course, like the skilled sailor or surfer, one can learn to move with and be the benefit of the forces of nature. Nature always has the last say in these matters though. Just as you think you’ve mastered it all (or at least some small part of it), nature crashes a huge wave on you or in front of you. Today nature seems to be pushing against my plans (or maybe I’m pushing against nature’s plans), just a little bit, just enough to be frustrating. I know I can’t influence nature very much, so I’ll have to check the compass of the self for a new reading to correct course, to find flow. Or maybe this is just how the sea is today, teasing me to be just a little more awake and alive.