Thursday, December 31, 2009
Fragments of thought now, fragments of thought past, fragments of experiences now, fragments of experiences past, bump up, touch, and overlap one another. Yesterday I took my kids to Clifton’s Cafeteria in Downtown Los Angeles. It was other worldly. Slow paced, thick with years of existence and everyone in the place became a character in a movie (most likely directed by David Lynch). The restaurant was a good strong cup of Joe in the middle of a fast paced metropolis. The kids loved the experience. I was reminded of years past sitting in restaurants with friends drawing pictures on napkins. I felt a kind of grace protecting us from the harshness of Downtown. As we left Clifton’s, the man walking out behind us started laughing a hearty laugh. I’m not sure if he was laughing at his own inner visions, the fact that I was carrying my daughters’ doll or a combination of both.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
The call of the quiet within as I sit in the negative space between letter forms resting from the intense of the world’s activities. Ah, finally five minutes of an exhale breathe. The push and pull of my obligations have left little time and space to explore and live in my personal internal world. Oh, how it wants some attention. I see the flood of my life in the debris of stuff scattered in my house. Here, let me grab my planning calendar. I’ll schedule in some more “get lost in the self” time.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
I look up and the sky is infinite blue with ever changing clouds dancing across it. That ever present beauty thing again. Doesn’t it know about the anxiety in my stomach of survival and the fear of future pain? I don’t think it does. I don’t think it cares. The hum of the atoms and the reflections of the electromagnetic spectrum just keep doing their thing. So, I listen to the quiet again then back to worrying if I’m making the right moves: worrying that I didn’t make the right moves. The inner compass spins from the force field of worry. I know, I know, let it all go. Then the clouds distorting the view will pass and the course will be re-charted. The stomach worry works only when it prompts action based in the inner knowing of the best choice now. Of course that signal is very subtle indeed. (Not the stomach! The inner knowing) Peace, plenty.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
The intensity of the season forces a keep up mentality. There are so, so many tasks to do. Vague worries of the New Year unknowns bubble up between the tasks of now. I’m trying to sail the ship of the self on the currents of fine flow. Flow doesn’t respond the try. It only recognizes do. Check the charts, let go, sail the ship, adjust course, make choices, adjust again to the new circumstances. Life keeps moving there is no choice to this.