December 30, 2010

This year has been like the first part of pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey; blind-folded, spun around, and given tasks to do. I’m happy to have a few moments to rest, plan, and look ahead. Looking back, we were in San Francisco for a few days this week where we rode MUNI way too much and I drank too much espresso. One of the highlights was Fort Point. This is a national park site right under the Golden Gate Bridge. Dramatic views of the bridge, the City and ocean. The sea roars against the rocks up onto the pavement. And a few surfers were riding waves there.

Winter Solstice

Quiet…listen…for one moment the earth stops spinning and all is still. A profound peace will flow through you if you let it. Then blink and you are back to the rush of life. Carry the peace with you, use it as needed.

Mid December

Another week, lots of debris in the river of life to negotiate and a fog filled sky covering the guiding Polaris. Well then, just do the thing you know to do and see if the river and sky clear up.

My mind wants to wander its recesses and dream....the adult duties call me back.

The currents, flows, storms and pressures of the ocean of life continue to push, pull and stress. There is little time to rest and reflect. More to follow…....

The sea in my belly is whipped by the storm of a funnel cloud of fear which feeds on itself. The tiny boat sheltering the self is pushed around in the storm’s waves. The winds of outside duties bang against the vessel. The only hope is to take refuge in the clam eye of the tempest, let the fears subside and tend to the tasks at hand.

Some weeks you feel as if you've lived a whole year. Last week was one of those.

Aim the Arrow, Let it Go

It is later than you think. Do it now or it may never get done. Aim the arrow of action from the depths of your soul out to where needs to go. Let the arrow fly through all your fears of what can go wrong. It just may be a disaster, but freedom is the reward.

Morning Again

As a middle aged man with middle class life I run outside in the predawn morning to put out the garbage before the trash squeals down the street to pick it up. I look up at the morning moon and stars and they smile, inviting me to dance with them. I smile back and I’m dancing in a eternity that lasts only a few moments as I’m called back to the house and the duties of a middle aged man in a middle class life.

Pink

Here is a pink San Diego Charger. The art was done for Howie Rosen at the San Diego Reader. The work is scheduled to run as the November 3 cover.

Fragments

Fragments float around the mind in a fuzzy focus of fog on the sea of consciousness. No complete sentences or thoughts. Just pieces bobbing together. They drift in and out until one of them screams for immediate attention. Then the body acts. The emergency subsides. Now go back to enjoying the flow.

Tuesday

The ghosts orange of October haunt me inside and out. There is so much to keep up with. I want to hide under the covers and just sleep. But the outside world calls with it demands, I answer for I know that not doing so brings pain. Awake.

Go Fish

We learned a new work attitude and philosophy called”Fish” at a company meeting held near the ocean in Newport Beach, CA. The philosophy is about having fun and making someone’s day by throwing metaphorical (or real) fish at them. It’s ok to throw the fish as long as you choose your attitude; Smiling good, frowning bad.

Fall Heat

I saw the morning sun stream though the trees. The moon quietly smiled form the other side of the sky. Then the heat hit in a blaze of orange. A restless day and night followed. Now, a new day begins.

Today To Do's

This foggy morning blankets the inward directed thoughts. To linger in this slowly drifting, floating mental state a little longer would be oh so nice. I’ve already wrote today’s to do list. The to do’s magnetic pull is tugging my mind in their direction. Are they a lighthouse guiding the journey from the siren song of pleasurable disaster? Or just the fence that keeps life in check in the artificial safety of self imposed normalcy? For myself I need both the fog and the map.

Morning Stars

A shooting star streaked across the morning sky. Worries are the pins and needles that we use to poke into the voodoo doll of the self. Pieces from the tail of the star fell in a gentle rain of grace. The worries dissolved into a sea of peace momentarily glimpsed. Dawn arrived with its demands.

Summer Has Slipped into Fall

Summer has slipped into fall. I know the calendar still says summer, but the world around says fall. The kids are back in school and the weather is cooler. The daylight is getting shorter. I see football on TV and signs of Halloween are popping up. Transition and change again as I want hold onto something stable, but change is the only outside world constant. So I let go of summer to be in the fall with all its variations. Begin again.

Good Morning

My peaceful sleep is interrupted by the lightning bolts of anxiety in my gut. 2:44 am, Oh crap what am I forgetting to do? My inner universe is a storm. So I clean the studio. As I walk outside to throw away the trash I hear the sounds of late summer insects singing their songs to the approaching change of seasons. The outer universe of early morning is calm and quiet. A few stars wink at me knowingly seeming to say,” You fool, all is well, just do the next step.” So I close the trash can lid, walk back into the house and plan the day and week. My inner storm calms and clears a bit.

Morning Moon

As I awoke this morning I saw the moon hanging low in the sky glowing through the trees. The color of a light low saturated violet surrounded it. The day begins with its tasks to do. What will I hold in mind today? Will it be the morning moon or the knot of worry in my gut? Which will fuel the doing of the tasks and my experience of the day? Worry can make me jump into action, but can make a troubled tortured experience. Moon glow is so nice to stand and drink in, but I can get so lost in it that no work gets done. Is there a way to use worry as the kick starter and moon beams as the internal experience as the jobs are performed?

Slow Before You Say Hello to the Get Go

Sunday morning. It’s really time for some slow, not go. Yet I know, the get go, is just around the corner. I can feel it whispering in the breeze. But as Ram Das said, “Be here now.” So I will rest in the silence of the morning even as the compass of my interior world is being pulled to the starting line. Exhale.

PS this is blog post number 100

August

Fractured and spacey that is what the last week had been. Maybe it’s the nature of August with its sun and people vacationing and the transition into fall oh so slightly around the corner. I saw a surfing contest and a play about turning 13. Funny if I was turning 13 the surfing contest would have been so important to me. Now it was just interesting to see the visual drama of people, venders, waves and sand. But this is a new week with new adventures. I turn my focus forward to embrace and create this week.

Monday Morning

The same old fears and anxieties haunt me. Things like the speed at which time passes and the dichotomy of the knot of fear in my stomach juxtaposed against the beauty of the quiet of the morning with its elusive low light that oh so slowly becomes the brightness of day and the soft breeze that touches the side of my face. Beauty is here for a moment then the worries inside overshadow. Yet, the anxieties feel like the choppy sea on the surface of the ocean which at its depths is calm.
Ok so much for the inner reflections, if you are near Downtown San Diego, Ca try eating at Blue Water Seafood on India Street. It is a bit of a dive, but the fish is oh so good. http://www.bluewater.sandiegan.com/

Good Morning

Quiet Saturday morning and the house is still asleep. The thoughts and ghosts in the mind of have faded to the background. The “Now” has moved forward on the stage. I’ll blink and the rush of day will take over. But for now I’ll drink in and be nourished by the moment and remember to come back to it, the now, in the rush later.

ICON 6 Notes: Some Talking Heads

Here are my notes from the ICON 6 conference. Four days of intense illustration worlds. I was a freeway commuter this time around. Traveling from Long Beach to Pasadena every day. Beautiful Hotel, I saw many good friends and made some new ones. I had a work gig Friday afternoon and missed what I heard was the best of the conference speakers. But overall a good show with lots of divergent points of view to digest. My favorite was Istvan Banyai. He's point of view that working from the inside out, not the outside in resonates with me. Plus his stubborn resistance to the status quo was a hoot.

I left the conference with a big buzz of illustration. Today I slept 10 hours + a one nap to recover